The History of Hair

As recorded by Bill

In the beginning, I was bald.

During the '80s, mullets were the "in" thing to do.

I started so suave, and things went downhill from there.

The fashion police put me in jail for a year for this witch-do.

I made a fresh start in kindergarten.

I got all the girls in 1st grade.

I was a model for Ralph Lauren in 2nd grade.

In 3rd grade I ate lots of spinach.

In 4th grade I ran the world's fastest mile.  

In 5th grade I became leader of some stranded children on a tropical island.

In 6th grade I was the evening anchor for NBC.

In 7th grade I became a nerd.

In 8th grade I stopped showering.

In 9th grade I formulated the Grand Unified Theory.

Bowl cuts are the fashion in the summer between 9th and 10th grade.

Global warming threatens in 10th grade, so I cut off my hair to stay cool.

11th grade maintains the status quo.

In 12th grade I was the king.

College freshman. Location: Millville, NJ.

College freshman. Location: New Orleans, LA.

Persuaded by peers to shave my head, I lost lots of heat during the winter.

College sophomore. Location: Pittsburgh, PA.

Scott cuts my hair with his electric clippers, I save $$$.

Summer sophomore-junior. Location: Albuquerque, NM.

College junior. Location: Aachen, Germany.

Curly locks of love.

College junior. Location: Overalpine Pass, Switzerland.

College junior. Location: Aachen, Germany.

Hair at its most frightening length.

College junior. Location: Aachen, Germany.

Blue hair dye disaster.

College junior. Location: Aachen, Germany.

Franken-bill.

College junior. Location: Aachen, Germany.

The day after I walked into class with this, the professor stopped lecturing and laughed at me.

College junior. Location: Montreux, Switzerland.

Off with the mop.

Summer junior-senior. Location: Key West, FL.

1st degree burns.

Summer junior-senior. Location: Somewhere in the Atlantic.

College senior. Location: Pittsburgh, PA.